Sunday, July 10, 2011
The University Years Part 2 - The introduction of Bill
This blog had not developed the way I had imagined. The retelling of my sexual history in University and of my first sexual encounter with Steve in a previous blog; brought back a tidal wave of memories and emotions that I needed to work through before I could continue. In fact I developed a severe case of writer’s block, and no matter how long I stared at the computer nothing would come out, and if anything did it was certainly not good enough to publish. I even tried to work through the writer’s block by doing some captions, but even though I posted them, most of them were not very good in my opinion, except for a few at the end which I think are pretty good. I am going to leave the captions up though as a reminder to myself of the feelings I was going through at that time.
So I am going to try and get this blog going again the way I envisioned it and hopefully by working through my emotions I can put some of the skeletons in my closet to rest. I am not going to go through every sexual encounter I had during my time in University because for one thing it was many years ago and I do not remember them all. LOL! But I will retell a few adventures because they stand out to me and helped define who I am today.
As I mentioned in a previous blog Steve became my first male fuck buddy, we were not exclusive with each other because he knew I was not ready for a relationship and that I needed to fully explore my sexuality. Although Steve did like his sex rough he was not into S & M, he was more of a slap and tickle kind of guy, but he would tie me up on occasion when he wanted complete control over me. Steve was my introduction into light bondage and light S & M, but there was never any Domination/submission aspect to our relationship. Truth be told although things were supposed to be casual between us I was really true in love with Steve. He was right in that I needed to explore my sexuality but I truly valued our time together and would do anything to please him. I believe he had deep feelings for me as well but could not get over the age difference, he was in his 50’s and I was only 20 years old when he first fucked me. So although we had amazing sex, he never told me that he loved me even though he was my Gay Bear guardian angel for the rest of my university days.
Now as part of my Master class in all things gay Steve did introduce me to his gay friends and set me up on more than a few dates. I used to kid him that he was like my pimp because every time I turned around he had me going out on a date with somebody. He also gave me some grooming tips and told me that given my body type, and the fact that I preferred older men, it would be to my benefit if I tried to keep myself pretty much hairless, as that was a big turn on for a certain segment of men. I had not shaved all of my body hair off since high school but after hearing this news I went home and shaved everything off and tried to shave a couple times a week to keep smooth in case something ever came up. Lol
During this time I had not even thought about dressing because I knew Steve’s feelings about guys who wore woman’s clothing. He was not a big fan and I had heard him make a few disparaging remarks a couple times about femme leaning men. But the being completely smooth did give me the itch again, so I bought some bras and panties to wear around my apartment, but that was my little secret.
Most of the guys Steve set me up with were around his age or older so they would have been fifty plus, although there were a few in their forties. He kept trying to get me to find someone my own age, but I was so far in closet I could not even find the closet door. At school no one knew about my penchant for sleeping with men. All of my classmates just assumed I was heterosexual because I never gave them a reason not to and that was the way I wanted to keep it. I went out on a few dates with some woman I met at school but nothing serious, but once I got back to my apartment, or my local bar, or Steve’s apartment, it was all men all the time.
Most Friday nights became date night, Steve would have my gentleman caller meet me at his bar, and if we got along, off we would go for dinner, or a movie, or drinks at another bar. If we did not get along, it would just end there, no hard feelings. Saturday nights I would usually hang out with Steve at his place, we would watch some sports and then get all hot and sweaty or he might have some buddies over to play poker so I would sit around and watch or we would go to a party or something. It was a pretty good life.
Whenever he had the chance Steve further tried to enlighten me about gay culture. He explained that I was definitely a bottom, who was attracted to Daddies. I had to agree with him because I was truly turned on by older men. I also liked my men to be on the large size, not fat, but a little chubby with a bit of a tummy did not bother me at all. He explained to me what he knew about the leather culture when we saw some leather guys in a gay bar in Toronto. He also tried to explain the Dominant and submissive dynamic involved in the scene. I was really intrigued by this and was determined to learn more. I asked Steve if he knew any Dominant leather guys and he told me yes and I asked him to introduce me.
So a couple of weeks later Steve introduced me to a gentleman at a party whose name was Bill. He was in his mid to late forties, around 6 feet tall, medium build had black hair and a beard and was holding a pipe. Steve told Bill my name and said I was the guy he had told him about. Steve then left us on our own and Bill turned to me and said “For the duration of this conversation you are to call me Sir, if you do not call me Sir at any time I will walk away from you and the conversation will be over. There will be no second chances.” I looked at him and said “yes Sir I understand”.
Bill then launched into a long speech about his philosophy on bondage, Domination and submission, discipline and his training methods to get submissive males to submit to him. I just stood there mesmerized. He just oozed power and confidence and his eyes seemed to look right through me into my soul. I was both scared and excited at the same time. After he was finished he asked why I was interested. I told him about my experiences with Steve and that some of our best sex in my opinion was when I was tied up and had given up complete control. I told him that giving up control to another was an aphrodisiac to me, the more control I gave up, the greater the freedom I felt and more I enjoyed himself.
Bill then explained to me that it was not always about sex, it was about the exchange of power, one person giving up their power to another individual, or even someone taking the power from another individual under the right circumstances to push the other person’s limits. Furthermore, sex could be used as both a reward and a punishment depending upon the dynamic and the situation.
I just stood there dumbfounded and did not know what to say. There was this whole other world that I never knew existed but I knew I belonged. Bill then asked me if this would be something that I would be interested in exploring. I stammered “Yes Sir”. He said “Excellent, let’s go grab a drink, then go outside so I can smoke my pipe, and continue our talk”. So after grabbing a drink we headed out to the backyard so that Bill could smoke his pipe and we could continue talking. As we stood in the back yard, he showed me how he loaded his pipe with tobacco and told me to pay close attention because that would be one my duties during our training sessions. I paid close attention to the ritual and knew it would take me a few tries to get it right. After a few minutes, I said “Excuse me Sir, I will be right back I have to go to the bathroom,” and handed him my glass and started off to the house. Well that was a huge mistake. He grabbed my arm, pulled me back and said “Did you ask permission to go to the bathroom and how dare you hand me your glass, do I look like your maid?” Now I was taken aback because I thought I had been very polite, saying excuse me and even calling him Sir. Obviously I was mistaken. He then said to me, “You do not leave my presence unless I dismiss you, or you ask permission and I grant you permission to leave and you certainly never hand me your glass.”
I said “Sorry Sir, may I please leave you alone for a few minutes, so that I may go to the washroom”. Bill looked at me and replied “No”. From the look in his eyes I could tell he was not kidding. So I just stood there for a moment and tried again “Sir may I please go to the bathroom?” He replied “What part of no did you not understand? Are you stupid or something?” Now I was becoming somewhat flustered by the fact that I really had to pee, but I said nothing thinking that anything I said would only make matters worse. Bill then said, “Here are your choices: your first choice is to leave and go to the bathroom, which if you choose; do not bother coming back because you are obviously not serious about being a submissive. Your second choice is to stand here, carry on a conversation with me, and when you decide you can no longer hold your pee; you wet yourself like the little boy you are.”
I stood there with my mouth open not knowing what to say when finally I just said “So it certainly is lovely weather we are having now isn’t it.” Bill looked at me and said “Good boy, now wait here while I go get a couple more drinks.” So I stood there waiting in the back yard and eventually Bill came back with two glasses of water and a couple of beers tucked under his arms and a big smile on his face. “Sorry I took so long boy but I had to stop and go to the bathroom. I thought you might have gotten thirsty since I was gone and brought you some water.” He handed me a glass and said, “Drink up boy; all in one go now, no stopping.” I took the glass and drained it and as soon as I was finished he said, “One more time boy, I know you are really thirsty.” So I grabbed the second glass and downed that one as well. Bill just smiled and said “Excellent work boy, here now I have a beer for you as well, but you do not have to drink that one all at once.” I took the bottle of beer from him and said “Thank you Sir, you are very kind.”
After a few moments he said “Here is your final chance to leave. I know you are new at this and you are trying to put on a good show, but if this is not for you, just leave now, go inside the house go to the washroom and then have Steve take you home. Maybe when you are a little older, you can find someone like me and try this again. But if you decide to stay, you will pee your pants and in front of an audience. In fact within the next two minutes two of my friends who are also Dominant are coming to join us. I told then I was breaking in a new boy outside and as punishment for not asking permission to go to the bathroom that the new boy was going to wet himself. They thought that sounded like great fun and could not wait to join us. So just tell me your decision boy and if you leave that is ok, this lifestyle is not for everyone.”
I stood and did not know what to say. The one thing I did know was I was not leaving. I felt very alive at the moment. Finally I just said, “I am staying Sir.” Bill looked at me with a bit of amazement and said, “Fine boy, this is your decision I hope you know what you are getting yourself into, I do not just play at this life style I live it.”
With that I heard a noise behind me, I looked around and there were four guys coming out of the back door. One of the guys said “Hey Bill, I hope you do not mind but when we told a couple people what was going on, they wanted to come for the show as well.” Bill just said “That is fine, the more the merrier.”
Everybody sort of gathered around me waiting for me to start peeing. Finally Bill leaned in to me and said, “Just do it, you know you have to pee badly. Just close your eyes and let your bladder go.” After a moment I started to concentrate and then I could start to feel pee come out of my dick, first slowly then in a big rushing flow. Then I started to sob, I could not believe I was standing in front of 5 men peeing myself, I was so ashamed. I just stood there blubbering and peeing myself for what seemed like hours but really was only a couple of minutes. Finally, I stopped and looked down at my pants, they were soaking wet. Even my shoes and socks were wet from the pee running down my leg.
Bill looked at me and said “Don’t you feel better now! And what lesson did we learn from this boy?” “Always ask for permission to leave your presence Sir, or wait until given permission to leave.” I replied.
“Excellent Boy, now gentleman if you will excuse us, I am going to take my new boy home and get him cleaned up.” With that Bill lead me out of the back yard and down the street. He told me that he did not live far away and that he had walked to the party. He told me that once we got home, I could shower and then throw a load of laundry in so that my clothes would be clean for morning. He also told me that he was going to fuck me hard, as a reward for accepting my punishment.
I will tell you more about Bill another time, because he played a pretty important role in my life for a couple of months. Whenever I have told anyone about this adventure, they ask why did I pee myself in front of those men? Why did not just not leave? The answer is kind of complicated but at first I did not believe Bill would make me do it, I was trying to call his bluff. Then when I figured out that Bill was not bluffing, I did not want to appear like I could not take my punishment. He kept challenging me to back down, and I became stubborn. When I finally did pee in my pants I was really humiliated, you have no idea; that is why I started to cry. But the thing was it was very cathartic. After I had done it, I realized that I could do anything; and I would certainly do anything Bill asked me to do because it felt right. I was also extremely turned on, and I freely admit that it I am a humiliation slut. I turn bright red, shake and cry, when going through the situation but afterwards I have the libido of a dog in heat.
That is it for now. I am sorry that this is such a long posting. I do promise to post more on a regular basis.