Sunday, August 29, 2010

The High School Years – boys, girls and men – Part 2

We now come to the men part of the story, or more importantly my first relationship with a man.  Yes it was a man, not somebody my age I had my first man on man sex with. This was a very complicated relationship, so it will take me a while to lay everything out, so please bear with me.  The other thing I want to make perfectly clear is that I was 18 years of age when we first had sex; there was no inappropriate sexual conduct between this gentleman and myself while I was a minor.

Mr. P was my music teacher and I started taking lessons from him when I was eight or nine years old.  Although I had known him my whole life as he was friend of my parents.  He was a life-long bachelor, who was always very well dressed; he was a little eccentric, and also fairly rich.  Mr. P was also rumored to be gay, he had never been married, so people surmised rightly of course that he was gay, but he was always nice to me and my family, so that never bothered me.  He was also a pipe smoker, and even from a young age I was always fascinated by his pipe lighting ritual.  I would just sit and stare as he prepared his pipe to smoke it and then finally light it.  I can still remember how nice his tobacco smelled as he was smoking his pipe.  Anyway if he had not been my music teacher I would have never been able to take music lessons because my parents would not have been able to afford itHe charged us next to nothing, and gave me lots of free lessons if I was preparing for a music competition.  He did not really need the money and he wanted to help me and my parents out.  He basically charged what we could afford and not anymore. 

When I started taking lessons from him he would have been in his mid-fifties, he was semi-retired; he had maybe fifteen or twenty music students.  As I stated previously he was always very well dressed, and he cut quite the dashing figure in his well-tailored suits and was quite handsome.  Not that I thought that when I was eight or nine when I started taking music lessons, but he was still very handsome at least in my eyes when he was in his mid-sixties and we were having sex.

That is almost the entire back story.  The only other details that are needed is that I grew up about two hours east of Toronto, which for those of you who are not familiar with Canada, is not only the largest city in the country, but is also the cultural center of the country.  Yes Montreal and Vancouver are also great, but if you want to see top-notch theater, opera, ballet or symphony orchestra concerts, on any given night, Toronto is the place to be in Canada.  Also remember that my relationship with Mr. P was going on at the same time as everything else in life but I have kept this separate from part 1 so as not to make it any more confusing.  One last thing, in the part of Canada I grew up in, at the time high school lasted five years, it went from grade nine to grade thirteen.  So if you are wondering why I could still be in high school when I was 19 years of age, it was not because I was flunking out, it was because of when my birthday falls and five years of schooling. On that note here we go.

Around the time I turned 14 Mr. P thought it was a good idea for my cultural horizons to be expanded and suggested to my parents that it would not hurt me to attend some concerts and plays in Toronto with him on weekends.  My parents agreed and off we went to plays and concerts every month or so.  I always had a great time with him, as he would treat me as an adult, and we would go out for dinner or lunch, so it was always a good time.  Mr. P also made almost weekly trips to Toronto without me.  He was always going to concerts and plays, staying over-night and then coming back home the following day.   With me in tow though, there was never any over-night stays; it was always into the city for the day and home that night.

Unfortunately one day as Mr. P was driving home from Toronto, somebody rear ended him on the highway, luckily not at high speed so he was not hurt too badly, but he lost his nerve to drive on busy highways.  That put a damper on our trips together to Toronto of course until I got my license.  He was actually very sweet about it; he phoned my parents and asked if it was ok, if he could ask me, to drive him to Toronto to see a symphony concert.  My parents said sure and two months after I had received my license, Mr. P and I set off in his brand new Cadillac to Toronto.  Even though he did not drive on the highways anymore, he always had a nice car to run around town in.

Looking back I do realize that this was the beginning of the seduction.  Mr. P may not have intended it to be but it was.  He did not make any overt sexual advances; but there were lots of little gifts such as new clothes to wear on our outings, the day trips were a little longer, we spent more time together.  For example instead of just going to a concert and grabbing a bite to eat, we would leave early in the morning, grab a bite to eat, spend the afternoon visiting an art gallery, have dinner, attend some sort of play or concert and then I would drive us home.  We also started doing things with his “friends” in Toronto, like going over to somebody’s place and having lunch or dinner, or maybe just stopping by for a visit.
Now I know some of you may find this boring, a teenager hanging out with a bunch of older men, but I found it fascinating at the time.  They would talk about many different subjects and always treated me like an adult.  Some of them would tease me for hanging out with Mr. P all of the time and his group of old men.  I always told them that it was my choice to be there and I enjoyed everybody’s company.  Did I know they were all gay, of course I did, some of Mr. P’s friends were so flaming they could light a candle from three feet away without even using a match.  Lol   But these experiences taught me lots of things such as the world is made up of all kind of people, some straight, some gay, some, somewhere in between, but we are all just normal human beings who can laugh, cry and love.  That was pretty heady stuff for a teenager from small town Ontario.  That was also about the time that I knew I was developing some sort of attraction/crush towards Mr. P, other than our student/teacher/friend dynamic that we showed to the rest of the world.

Now of course when I was not going to Toronto with Mr. P, I was still going to high school, working part time, trying to have a relationship with my girlfriend, taking music lessons from Mr. P, competing in music festivals all around Ontario, and dressing up whenever I had the chance.  I was busy, it was complicated at times and it was about to get a whole lot more complicated.

How complicated you ask?  Well shortly after my eighteenth birthday me and Mr. P, consummated our relationship.  For my birthday Mr. P took me to Toronto for the whole weekend.  He actually asked my parents if it was fine with them before he asked me, they did not have any problems because hey it was just my music teacher taking me to an opera, on the Friday night, a play Saturday night and a piano recital on a Sunday afternoon.  They even let me take a half a day off school, so we could drive into Toronto before the rush hour traffic and get checked into our hotel. 

When we checked into the hotel Mr. P had a little surprise waiting for us upstairs in our hotel room.  He had ordered a bottle of champagne for our room to celebrate my birthday.  Now I am not much of a drinker and I certainly was not one at eighteen, but from the time I turned fourteen years of age I was allowed to have a small glass of wine with dinner, and I had drank champagne before.  I was very excited, I was having a very grown up start to my weekend and it was about to get a whole lot more grown up.

After we had unpacked and got settled, Mr. P and I settled down on the couch to drink a glass of champagne.  He then presented me with a small box and a card.  I opened the box first and it was a very expensive watch.  I thanked him very much and then he said read the card.  It was a fantastic card where he basically professed his attraction to me and how much he wanted to get the watch inscribed on the back “with love from Mr. P” but knew that would not be appropriate.  I was flabbergasted, shocked, overcome with emotion and more than a little scared about what would come next.  I just grabbed his hand and mumbled about being honored to be his friend, and he meant the world to me and yes I felt the same way towards him.  With that he lead me to one of the beds, helped me get undressed and we climbed into bed together and he introduced me to the joys of love making with another man.

I will not go into all of the gory details about what transpired, and no we did not have anal sex; for those who are wondering, but I will say it was very tender with lots of kissing and rubbing of bodies and learning how to pleasure a man and be pleasured by a man.  One of the best moments was after we were done, just laying against him while he sat up in bed smoking his pipe and drinking another glass of champagne.

We of course had sex throughout the weekend and many more times over the next few months.  Although that was our only weekend away together, let’s face it you can only get away with spending a weekend away from home because it is a birthday present once, not on an ongoing basis.  All in all our sexual relationship lasted a little over five months.  When we were together everything felt so right, when we were apart I was filled with doubt.  I knew I was not strong enough emotionally to come out as being gay and besides I knew I still attracted to women; or was it more that I liked to dress as a woman, either way I still had feelings towards women.

I guess my biggest fear was being found out.  Since we had begun sleeping together Mr. P had started to become affectionate in public which was totally freaking me out.  I did not mind it if we were hanging out with his friends in Toronto, but in the small town where we lived, people would talk and then my parents would have found out, I would have been outed at school, it was way more than I could handle.  I knew there was nothing wrong with two men caring for each other and having sex together.  I would even tell my parents to watch what they were saying if I felt they were making inappropriate comments about gays, but I was just not mature enough at the time to handle the consequences of being a gay teenager, not that there is anything wrong with that, with a much older lover in small town Ontario.

So I broke it off just before I went back to high school for my final year.  I broke off not just our sexual relationship but our music teacher/student relationship as well and our trips to Toronto for cultural events.  I said I needed to focus on my studies and was giving up music to ensure I could spend more time studying to increase my grade point average.  Mr. P was visibly upset and I was upset as well because I really did care for him and enjoyed our times together immensely.

That was not the only thing I gave up, I threw out my little collection of make-up that I had acquired and vowed to stop wearing my mother’s underwear.  I was going to be a good little straight boy for my last year of high school.  No more experimentation, just study hard so I could get the hell out that small town and on with my life.  I was successful, graduated with honors and went on to University.

Looking back I do not have any regrets about my relationship with Mr. P.  He taught me lots of valuable life lessons and with his help I developed my life long appreciation of the arts as well as my life long appreciation for older men.  Ha ha ha But more about the latter another time.

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